*I have no medical background and this post is about my experiences dealing with my own emotions. If you are feeling under the weather for too long, you should definitely look for help.
In the past years, I learned how to respect my bad days. A long time ago, I used to keep the bad feeling moving for days, even weeks, the sensation of not being good enough or not being capable to start what I had a plan, lingering in my brain. I ended up in a rut many times, only to turn on the tv and call it a day, as I felt guilty and unaccomplished . I still do that, but instead of making it last for a week, now I learn how to live the bad day to the fullest. Instead of fighting it, I embrace it.
I don’t have money for therapy, which in my opinion should be free. We all are in a serious need of healthy state of mind, like someone told me once, its like yoga for the brain, and we need the wires connected to the right colors, otherwise, some of us can live in an edge of power bust anytime. I feel like that sometimes. To be honest, I feel like that at least once a week, and that how I learned how to manage the fire cracks in my brain.
During the months of lockdown, many of us were left to our loneliness, glued to our phones, watching TikTok on an endless loop, binge drinking, feeling hopeless. In quarantine, I followed some travel pages. It was easy to picture myself in Greece or Norway, where they were coming out of quarantine slowly, well managed and were able to enjoy some of their summers and the beautiful outdoors, without being harassed because of masks. Swimming and eating at nice restaurants. On my bad days, I let it sink that none of that might be possible for us in America anytime soon. Politics got heavily in the way, like quicksand, we can’t get out. All we have left is a dream for better days.
When I’m having a bad day, I go for long walks.
I walk around my apartment complex like I’m on a mission. I play with dogs, I sit around and stare at nothing. I let the brain wander, I manage to think the worst possible case scenarios for my future, being ridiculously overdramatic to the point I can even handle myself. When my husband is at home, I drive him crazy. He also learned how to deal with my bad days. He knows that on a bad day I can be super rude, and it’s not intentional, I love him on his bad days too.
I listen to melodramatic music.
I have a questionable taste in music, for what I know, I’m stuck in the early 2000’s pop. No, I don’t like country. My gem is the pop songs, like Britney Spears and the rest of the pop entourage. When I’m sad, I know exactly what kind of songs I look for, Kelly Clarkson for example. I swear if I’m at a store and “Because of you” starts playing I will breakdown crying. That song destroys me, I’m not going to even say anything about the music video. Same happens with Lucky, by Britney Spears. Poor girl is so lucky, she is a star, but she cry cry cry in the lonely nights. The dad took all her rights to her own money! I would be sad too.
Don’t try to cover it, live it up.
What most people will tell you is “Don’t be sad, look what you have, you are so lucky and blessed.” Yes, I know all that, still, I have the right to have emotions that are not connected to my blessings. I can still be healthy and feel rejected, out of place, mistreated, and yet live in a palace. It’s not about what you have on the outside, its how you feel right now. During my teenage years, I used to live with my mom and my aunt, her sister. My dad was living his best life somewhere else. My mom and aunt are opposites. So I learned how to manage emotions in a very scrambled way. My mom is very focused, dry ice, straight to the point almost, almost military. My aunt is emotional, dramatic, intense, and soft. How were they raised by the same exact person, I will never know. During my teenage years, I heard my mom saying “Though it up, look forward, don’t be dramatic” on the other side, I had my aunt, falling in and out of love, crying and respecting her sadness. True to be told, I don’t think my mom had time to let emotions take over, as she was too busy, juggling all her responsibilities. I had to find a middle ground and it took me years to mature the idea that it’s ok not to be ok all the time.
When my emotions are all over the place, I give myself the right not to write. For the blog or any other outlet, I mean. The blog it’s not a diary. Its a tool that I have to share my opinions and find people who would like to read about different subjects like the journey of pursuing different creative outlets. While it is about starting over, its also about how to live in America and enjoy to the fullest, while not being born and raised in America.
The bad days are here to show us that we are alive and we have bad feelings too. Life its not a Greek Instagram account, with beautiful sceneries, train rides, and people smiling and eating delicious food all the time. Don’t be fooled by this happiness, as most of it is fabricated for sale. It’s ok to be sad today, learn about yourself, and seek help if you feel like it’s not going away. CBD oil is working for me, as I have been noticing it aligns my anxiety. Seek for what could help you. It’s important to know yourself and what is causing the sadness.
Be safe and Stay healthy !