What doesn’t kill makes you stronger.
I can’t believe I have this blog for 5 years already. On the corner of Ashland and Irving Park at Starbucks, the idea of sharing my experiences as immigrant and a creative writer student in a second language came alive.
So many things has changed, thankfully, myself included. The blog helped me to hear the voices in my head, saying I belong in this country too. And I’m not alone. We are all fighting the demons (politicians and blind supporters mostly), as we don’t conform with the statuses given to us.
Live Out Loud Too always meant you are in a safe space for feeling like a misfit. I see you and your struggles and hopefully through my stories, you can relate and see that you are not alone in this madness.
I’ve been through a lot.
I had my Green card stalled because of a family member who thought my marriage was a scheme, even though I knew them for 3 years prior.
I had people at work telling me I had a language barrier, because I made a mistake on the order, that it wasn’t my fault.
I had a roommate telling me she was going to call immigration on me, because I moved apartments without subletting my room, she being from Brazil too was a kick in the gut.
I worked 14 hours a day in the same restaurant that abused me and my mental health, to help my husband during his Chiropractic college days.
I went to bed crying numerous times, scared of never being able to see my mom and dad again, because my expired visa.
I broke my wrist, because I fell on Black ice in Chicago, on the day my visa expired.
I failed my driving test 5 times.
I had family in Brazil telling me hundred of times “you are never going to belong, because this is not your country, this is not your people. It was your choice to be there’
In fact it is. And I’m still here. Looking up for the days ahead and being thankful for what I have now.
For the longest time I was feeling numb, walking through like a zombie, hiding myself in mediocre job positions, because I was always too scared to face reality and be rejected. I had to deal with way too many rejections, so I learned how to play safe.
I hide behind the tree and see other people get successful, get money, get possessions like houses and cars, while I’m here, making 20 bucks per hour, in a job that I feel safe and gives me room to restore my faith in myself.
Its up to me to make a change, but there are days that I’m very tired to even try. I learned that its ok too. You don’t need to be productive and and overachiever every day. We have our ups and downs. Don’t let toxic people tell you what are you doing right or wrong.
This blog came on the right time and me finding a platform that I could talk about whatever I wanted. At the very early days, mostly about movies and tv shows. Then about being an immigrant, while moving to Texas, then about positivity. About feeling like you belong and the problems I had to go through until getting my citizenship last year. Now I’m going to focus on talking about traveling.
And editing the footage of my trips.
This blog is a the diary of immigrant. The evolution of an immigrant mind. The struggles, the joy, the achievements. The battles.
I’m proud of it. Watch me turn into a documentary about the American Dream. Yes, I’m working on that too, I’m going to start filming when I visit Brazil, at some point this year.
Its all because of this blog. I stick to the idea of Living Out loud too. It my motto. One last thing: trust the process. Work hard, but don’t be too exhausted to enjoy whatever is you planting now.
This was a celebratory bonus post 🤣 started with a fFacebook post and now we here.
Thank you for reading my words.
JS
