What habits did you change and what habits did you keep from your country?
Did you become a completely different person since you got away from your motherland, or did you keep it in your core?
The reason why I’m writing about this subject today is because I have a lot of people from different countries that stumble upon this blog. I see you and I’m happy to share how is life in the US of A with you.
I grew more insecure.
I’m not as confident as I once was. I play safe. And even though America is called “The land of free” it doesn’t feel like that at all. Something stops me every time to move forward with my projects.
Heck, I’m playing so safe at this point, that I can’t even put myself to update my resume. It’s easy to get in the bubble and feel protected by it. You took too many risks once before, did crazy things to get where you are today and then you got into your safe place. In your safety net, that like little spiderweb you crafted around yourself.
Watching a lesson on Skillshare, I realized that what bothers me the most, is the fact that I know exactly who I’m and what I want, but I don’t know where I belong.
I’m constantly conflicted by two cultures and I have no idea on which way to bend. Feels like a Bambu stick and I’m a plump panda. I cannot erase who I was before moving to America, at the same time, I have to be 100% aligned to who I’m here. So I jiggle to different sides and that where my projects get stuck.
Between video production, writing and creating content, there is a lot of space for self sabotage and low self esteem.
Self sabotage cripples in everyday. I have great ideas, all the resources and equipments I need and when I need to move forward, I freeze. I tell my peers at work all the time how great they are and how they should move on with their dreams. I’m great in giving advice, I’m not so kind when it comes to the voice inside my head.
People say that you shouldn’t compare yourself with others, but I get disoriented when someone half of my age has all the opportunities I never had in life. How do you manage that? I’m always put in a position of “you are not doing enough”
But what is enough? I’ve seen far more mediocre people, who does way less than I’ve ever done, succeeding. In no time or effort. While other friends just work themselves into exhaustion, just to get by. How are we ok with that?
The essence of Live Out Loud Too is you can make it through, even though you are in odd conditions or you are considered the minorities.
Live Out loud too means you belong here too.
You have the same chances as everyone else, you are just embezzled in a brain fog that probably needs therapy to move forward and break the spell. I just couldn’t figure out how to do that yet, but as soon as I have an idea, I’m going to share here.
It’s hard to explain the fact that you are in America for years and yet, you are not a successful business person living in Malibu driving a benz. It’s hard to the average American, it even harder for immigrants and people of color.
There is discrimination, there is doubt, there is a mediocre person who pretends they know more that you gets the attention and the position, because they speak “clear english” or “were born and raised in America” Let me give you a clear example that I’ve seen it happen.
My friend who is Latina, has an accent and never went to any school here in America, all her studies were in her country and let’s say she has a mild accent, and a lot of experience, applies for a job.
Now person number two: A mediocre American, younger, who has never left her neighborhood, drops names during the interview, has little to none experience and went to a decent school in America. Who gets the job?
I learned along the way that American don’t like humble people.
Americans like people who can push it the “fake till you make it”. They like like people with confidence, that can challenge them. That’s where my cultural behavior clashes over and over. A good example is going to the American Embassy to get a visa. Treat them with respect, but act superior. I had no money and I got my visa because I acted like its a given for me, not their choice.
I’m too nice and way too humble. I should learn how to be more aggressive. Someday I will wake up and kick it like a the Kool-aid man. Watch me.
That’s the American way. Here is give and take. I give you something but I’m make sure to take something back from you. Even if it’s your will to live. As you can see by now, the disappointment is real. I have it dust it off as I’m constantly adapting to this country.
Before I move on to the next post, I would like to thank you for reading my ideas throughout the year, even though the only post that things to get traction is the one about Encanto. I still have 2 more posts before the end of the year, its ready, it just need some editing.
See you soon.
JS
XXX
