How social media affects my confidence and my creativity
The past couple of weeks had been a series of events that I could not get my head around writing on the blog. I had my nieces visiting and having visitors is stressful, for different reasons. Also, they are Vegan, not that a problem, but at first, I had no idea what I would offer them to eat, and the stress part was starving the kids unintentionally.
The first day I had no clue of what could I cook for them besides vegetables and offer them coffee. Believe me, thats all I did for the first hours they were here. The second day, I come to my adult senses and ask them what could I cook for lunch, so we could all eat. I mean adult senses, because they are teenagers, at 15 and 18 years old. I was the responsible adult and feeling like a boss, I went to Walmart to buy veggies, tofu (couldn’t find it of course, found it at Whole Foods) and some veggie broth.
The menu I cooked was Brussels sprouts on the veggie broth and some teriyaki, Tofu with peppers and onions, some potatoes and grilled carrots. The girls enjoyed it, the younger one loved the Brussels and the tofu. My husband not so much. He always talks about eating healthy, but can’t eat vegetables. He was over dramatic about it, complain about how he remained hungry and minutes later, complain about having a headache, due to the lack of lunch. I enjoy eating vegan, my problem was actually the Brussels, as it left my entire house smelling like fart. If you have to cook it, open the windows and go ahead, light some candles. I’m warning you.
Another good highlight of this past week, is that I got rid of my social media apps on my phone, like Facebook and Twitter . I still use it, but like 2006, on my computer, when I’m home and make time for it. The reason why I decided to that, has a lot to do with the Mental Health issue I wrote about on the earlier post. I’m an advocate for this matter.
First of all, it was distracting, keeping me scrolling like a coin slot machine, always hoping for more and information that never seems enough. I saw the competitive side of people, the sad people, the attention seeker, the needy, the chains and I felt like I had enough. “If you love Jesus, you will share this photo”. Sure, cause Jesus will see me digging in social media like an addict and If I don’t share, he will not feel loved by me. Another factor, it messes with my confidence. How many times, have you felt like you are not good enough, due to great amount of “successful” friends?
People on social media always seems to have their live in a perfect world, with travels, jobs and everything else, they choose to post to make themselves to feel better. I wonder how much of this have actually a foot on their real day by day life? After spend an entire day, cussing myself for not getting my writing done, I sat down for a minute and let my mind wander. Those apps on my phone consuming my energy and my time, making me sad, needed to go. It was making my confidence drop to the ground. I’m sure I’m not alone with this feeling. Twitter is a constant battle of ego, Facebook is weddings, babies, my mom, and my aunt. So, I decided to drop the apps on my phone, only leaving Instagram, because I need to see what everyone else is having for lunch and I’m not that strong.
Back on the writing train, I’m currently working on my story about loneliness, that it was inspired by the years I lived in Sao Paulo, after moving back from Australia. It is about how loneliness pushes you to the edge and how can you make it out of it.
This is the “Dark Star” story excerpt :
“Another train has arrived at the station. It was probably the third or fourth I didn’t walk in. My brain is numb and I don’t feel like going home. The past couple of months it feels like I’m moved by unknown forces and the friction of my shoes against the concrete. I feel nothing.
I usually get home and there is no one there. I live alone and that how I feel the entire time. Except when I’m at work. I put a smile on my face, as I need to sell those trips for the rich kids who wants to experience what is to be out of their element. The agency sells it as a new life experience for a few months. In my mind I tell them “would you like to experience what is to be alone and the pain of not having familiar faces carving deep you skin?” Let me show you how it feels…”
All that to get this little part on the script
EXT. TRAIN PLATFORM – DAY
Mary 20’s, dressed informal with jeans and sneakers watch the train pass by.
Her eyes are fixed on the other side, like she sees something. She doesn’t blink.
Another Train arrive at the station. She doesn’t move.
I also received in the mail, my Rory Professional Cinema lights I bought in January. Its so bright, it seems like I could light up a stadium. I read the reviews and the were all saying great thing about it, and it was $79,00 after a promotional discount. I will soon be filming the Chiropractic videos for my husband’s YouTube Channel and the shorts.
As you can see, I decided to work for myself and move on from the writing jobs. It was not working, due to the lack of experience, as a recent graduate.
That’s all for this week ! Hope you get free from your fears and keep creating!
J. Snelly (@Joanagracio)