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What doesn’t kill makes you stronger. And bitter.

What doesn’t kill makes you stronger.

I can’t believe I have this blog for 5 years already. On the corner of Ashland and Irving Park at Starbucks, the idea of sharing my experiences as immigrant and a creative writer student in a second language came alive.

So many things has changed, thankfully, myself included. The blog helped me to hear the voices in my head, saying I belong in this country too. And I’m not alone. We are all fighting the demons (politicians and blind supporters mostly), as we don’t conform with the statuses given to us.

Live Out Loud Too always meant you are in a safe space for feeling like a misfit. I see you and your struggles and hopefully through my stories, you can relate and see that you are not alone in this madness.

I’ve been through a lot.

I had my Green card stalled because of a family member who thought my marriage was a scheme, even though I knew them for 3 years prior.

I had people at work telling me I had a language barrier, because I made a mistake on the order, that it wasn’t my fault.

I had a roommate telling me she was going to call immigration on me, because I moved apartments without subletting my room, she being from Brazil too was a kick in the gut.

I worked 14 hours a day in the same restaurant that abused me and my mental health, to help my husband during his Chiropractic college days.

I went to bed crying numerous times, scared of never being able to see my mom and dad again, because my expired visa.

I broke my wrist, because I fell on Black ice in Chicago, on the day my visa expired.

I failed my driving test 5 times.

I had family in Brazil telling me hundred of times “you are never going to belong, because this is not your country, this is not your people. It was your choice to be there’

In fact it is. And I’m still here. Looking up for the days ahead and being thankful for what I have now.

For the longest time I was feeling numb, walking through like a zombie, hiding myself in mediocre job positions, because I was always too scared to face reality and be rejected. I had to deal with way too many rejections, so I learned how to play safe.

I hide behind the tree and see other people get successful, get money, get possessions like houses and cars, while I’m here, making 20 bucks per hour, in a job that I feel safe and gives me room to restore my faith in myself.

Its up to me to make a change, but there are days that I’m very tired to even try. I learned that its ok too. You don’t need to be productive and and overachiever every day. We have our ups and downs. Don’t let toxic people tell you what are you doing right or wrong.

This blog came on the right time and me finding a platform that I could talk about whatever I wanted. At the very early days, mostly about movies and tv shows. Then about being an immigrant, while moving to Texas, then about positivity. About feeling like you belong and the problems I had to go through until getting my citizenship last year. Now I’m going to focus on talking about traveling.

And editing the footage of my trips.

This blog is a the diary of immigrant. The evolution of an immigrant mind. The struggles, the joy, the achievements. The battles.

I’m proud of it. Watch me turn into a documentary about the American Dream. Yes, I’m working on that too, I’m going to start filming when I visit Brazil, at some point this year.

Its all because of this blog. I stick to the idea of Living Out loud too. It my motto. One last thing: trust the process. Work hard, but don’t be too exhausted to enjoy whatever is you planting now.

This was a celebratory bonus post 🤣 started with a fFacebook post and now we here.

Thank you for reading my words.

What brings you joy? Keep doing it!

This month my youtube channel turns 1. Actually almost 2, but I only had the guts to post my first video last May. I’m constantly self-sabotaging myself, and allow this feeling of failure hover over my head for the longest time. I have ideas, I have the time, but I lack organization to execute it. I don’t have confidence.

Do you feel like that sometimes too? There is always someone in social media who does it better, who has more time to spend on the videos, who uses better templates and music, and makes you feel like YOUR creation its never good enough.

I don’t have time to be good enough. It feels like while everyone else has everything together, you are just collecting the pieces and throwing it like confetti. Day after day. It gets harder when you get older. I don’t have time to obsess over my youtube channel. I have a day job that requires me to be up at 5:30 AM, a job that requires me to show up and be present. It takes longer to us, than an 18 year old streamer that plays video game for 16 hours straight.

But I promised myself that I would not give up this time. I have to make this work. Here are the steps I found useful:

1 -Not creating excuses its the first step.

Stop feeling sorry for yourself. I know its hard, nobody is saying it would be easy. I’m the kind of person who keeps finding excuses to get it done, because I’m too afraid I’m going to fail and never be good enough. I spent years of my life and I mean years, like 15 years or more, thinking that I was a failure, and if I didn’t have the proper camera, the proper light, the all these items people convince us that we need in order to make sale, I would never succeed. I didn’t succeed yet, but at least I started trying to do what I love, with tools that I have.

2- One day at a time.

There will be days when you don’t want to do anything and its ok. The idea of constantly hustle is the most American culture I’ve ever seen. Somehow they convinced you that resting is wrong and are a not getting what you need, because you are not working hard enough. Always remember that its when we are bored to our cores, that we have our best ideas. It forces us to work our imagination. So be bored and see new ideas flushing through. Daydream staring at a wall. Be imaginative. Create.

3- Don’t get overwhelmed by what other show online.

All of us are fighting different battles. We choose what we show online. Our beautiful trips, well behaved kids with matching pijamas, a lovely relationship. It takes me to believe that these people are massively producing lies and we, on the other side of the screen are feeling like we are doing something wrong. We are not. They are the ones selling lies and we are the ones choosing to buy it or not.

I always put a lot on my plate when it comes to do things and it usually something goes awry.

This blog is the perfect example of me trying to do more than I have time for. I love writing and for this type of media, but lately I have been putting all my focus on my channel, since I do everything myself. When I’m not at my day job, I’m working on the channel. Even though I absolutely love it, it feels like I don’t have days off.

Everyone says that you have to attach the blog to the channel, to your social media and I have no time do that and for now its ok. I still need my day job and my sanity. I thought about deleting the blog and start all over with a the same name as the channel, but we have too much history now. Live Out Loud Too is 5 years now and soon it will become a media production company.

It takes time.

I also feels less guilty when I put all my time and effort on the channel since I figured out I’m a visual storyteller. Its easier for me to write scripts than write short stories or books, because since this is my second language I need to be visual in what I want to show. Find out what works better for you. Adapt.

Filming and editing the travel videos are giving me the fulfillment I struggled so hard when only writing the scripts. I don’t mind spend 8 hours putting the footage puzzle together, but if you ask me to write a script for 8 hours straight, I won’t probably make it. It will derail.

Find what brings you joy and stick to it.

Eating the easter chocolates at my work.

It takes time, when you find your voice, hear it. Don’t let anyone think you are being too crazy or too delusional. They know nothing about it. Their opinions don’t matter and they will ask you how you did it after you succeed.

Keep the faith and don’t work yourself to exhaustion. Be happy with little achievements. I celebrate every new subscriber, and I will keep doing it forever. It brings me joy. What brings you joy?

Don’t forget to Live Out Loud Too! Today, tomorrow and all the days. And don’t forget to rest! Here is my channel if you want to see what I’m up to! Happy anniversary for TRVLS AND COMIDA!

TRVLS & COMIDA YOUTUBE CHANNEL!

See you soon,

J.G. Snelly

Merry Crisis and a happy new Fear!

Sometimes I looks around and I’m thankful for all I have. Its not the material stuff, it is a story of my achievements. On the wall, on my table, in the small memorabilia I acquired throughout the years. It all takes back to a time when I arrived in this country and all I had was my laptop, a few pieces of clothes and an air mattress.

This year it was the 10th anniversary of me arriving in the USA.

There was a long way and don’t take nothing for granted. My fridge full of food, gas in the car, a warm house and a loving husband. The small things in life should be appreciated. All the small victories should have never been taken for granted. America has changed me a lot.

As I look around the room, the small SheShad that I build, that I like to call my office/ studio, I can see all the progress I made in those years of sweat and tears. I might not have a higher CEO position in a company, I might not have bought a property, I don’t even have a bicycle, but you know what I have? Hope. Joy. Again, pride in my small victories.

Immigrants are ingrained with the moral and social responsibility of succeeding. So we can show our people, who stayed back home, we left for good a reason. We left for a better life, comfort and some more money. That makes them think we are rich. Because we are in America and have the newest IPhones, we are loaded with money.

The better life not always means more money.

Eventually it just means you have the safety you didn’t have in your own country, or that you feel safer to be who you are without being killed. By religion, by society standarts among other things. What people don’t see is, we are probably broken inside, and filled with guilt of leaving everything behind to start over. And most of the times, there are families who stayed back home, are guilt-tripping us into some madness, some psychological warfare. So we find our family members that we choose to put in our lives. Your support system.

We bond over our failures

Your support system are usually other people that has the same struggles as you. Mine are immigrants( and poc, who are indeed immigrants too). All my friends were bonkered (my word of choice for “screwed”) in a different way arriving in this country. We bond over our failures and our achievements. We sit at the bar and we cry because sometimes life sucks.

I look around in my office, full of stuff, I’m taken back to how much I had to get rid off, in order to accomplish everything that hangs on the wall. When my confidence is nowhere to be found, I stay quiet in my chair, look at my pictures, and share some gratitude. I manifest to the universe all the cool thinks that are still to come, how strong I was to get where I’m today and I ask you to do the same.

New year, new me. Not really.

Next week, we enter a new year, and with that all those promises to get better, the lists, the goals comes at you all at once. Keep it simple, I suggest. I’ve been doing it the past couple of years, with just a few items on the list. Going to Therapy is the one I keep dragging to another year. Since I don’t have insurance, the therapy podcasts are doing the dirty job. The second one is to write the script. I have it on a notebook, I wrote a little while I was at work, bored.So now I need to put it on Final Draft to accomplish the goal.

Again, keep it simple.

Want to eat healthier? Start by eating more fruits. Want to have a better and mindful attitude? Take long walks. Do something everyday that makes you happy. That’s been working for me. But there are also days when it doesn’t. So I give myself time and wait for the day to be over. I don’t write, edit, cook, or do anything. I just allowed myself to be away.

I let my mind wander.

My goal’s list are not up for next year yet. The past years the goals had been to intense, so 2023 I’m taking easier, way easier. Goals like citizenship, drivers license, create a youtube channel ( and actually post content) took a big part on my life during the previous years.

2023 I want to take even easier and maintain low expectations. Of course I want a lot, I’m just too scared to write it down.

Have you made your goals for next year yet? Let me know in the comments! Do you dream big, or do you keep on the down low like me? I’m going to work on mine resolutions now and post it here at the beginning of the year.

See you next week!

Stay healthy, Stay safe!

JS XXXX

What did you change as an immigrant?

What habits did you change and what habits did you keep from your country?

Did you become a completely different person since you got away from your motherland, or did you keep it in your core?

The reason why I’m writing about this subject today is because I have a lot of people from different countries that stumble upon this blog. I see you and I’m happy to share how is life in the US of A with you.

I grew more insecure.

I’m not as confident as I once was. I play safe. And even though America is called “The land of free” it doesn’t feel like that at all. Something stops me every time to move forward with my projects.

Heck, I’m playing so safe at this point, that I can’t even put myself to update my resume. It’s easy to get in the bubble and feel protected by it. You took too many risks once before, did crazy things to get where you are today and then you got into your safe place. In your safety net, that like little spiderweb you crafted around yourself.

Watching a lesson on Skillshare, I realized that what bothers me the most, is the fact that I know exactly who I’m and what I want, but I don’t know where I belong.

I’m constantly conflicted by two cultures and I have no idea on which way to bend. Feels like a Bambu stick and I’m a plump panda. I cannot erase who I was before moving to America, at the same time, I have to be 100% aligned to who I’m here. So I jiggle to different sides and that where my projects get stuck.

Between video production, writing and creating content, there is a lot of space for self sabotage and low self esteem.

Self sabotage cripples in everyday. I have great ideas, all the resources and equipments I need and when I need to move forward, I freeze. I tell my peers at work all the time how great they are and how they should move on with their dreams. I’m great in giving advice, I’m not so kind when it comes to the voice inside my head.

People say that you shouldn’t compare yourself with others, but I get disoriented when someone half of my age has all the opportunities I never had in life. How do you manage that? I’m always put in a position of “you are not doing enough”

But what is enough? I’ve seen far more mediocre people, who does way less than I’ve ever done, succeeding. In no time or effort. While other friends just work themselves into exhaustion, just to get by. How are we ok with that?

The essence of Live Out Loud Too is you can make it through, even though you are in odd conditions or you are considered the minorities.

Live Out loud too means you belong here too.

You have the same chances as everyone else, you are just embezzled in a brain fog that probably needs therapy to move forward and break the spell. I just couldn’t figure out how to do that yet, but as soon as I have an idea, I’m going to share here.

It’s hard to explain the fact that you are in America for years and yet, you are not a successful business person living in Malibu driving a benz. It’s hard to the average American, it even harder for immigrants and people of color.

Living in the US and being from Brazil, feels like I have an Alter-Ego.

There is discrimination, there is doubt, there is a mediocre person who pretends they know more that you gets the attention and the position, because they speak “clear english” or “were born and raised in America” Let me give you a clear example that I’ve seen it happen.

My friend who is Latina, has an accent and never went to any school here in America, all her studies were in her country and let’s say she has a mild accent, and a lot of experience, applies for a job.

Now person number two: A mediocre American, younger, who has never left her neighborhood, drops names during the interview, has little to none experience and went to a decent school in America. Who gets the job?

I learned along the way that American don’t like humble people.

Americans like people who can push it the “fake till you make it”. They like like people with confidence, that can challenge them. That’s where my cultural behavior clashes over and over. A good example is going to the American Embassy to get a visa. Treat them with respect, but act superior. I had no money and I got my visa because I acted like its a given for me, not their choice.

I’m too nice and way too humble. I should learn how to be more aggressive. Someday I will wake up and kick it like a the Kool-aid man. Watch me.

That’s the American way. Here is give and take. I give you something but I’m make sure to take something back from you. Even if it’s your will to live. As you can see by now, the disappointment is real. I have it dust it off as I’m constantly adapting to this country.

Butterfly metamorphosis. I like to think that I’m struggling to become a butterfly at some point. So are you.

Before I move on to the next post, I would like to thank you for reading my ideas throughout the year, even though the only post that things to get traction is the one about Encanto. I still have 2 more posts before the end of the year, its ready, it just need some editing.

See you soon.

XXX

The one about the Third Coast – Chicago

The Vlog about Chicago

Every time I visit Chicago, I want to move back. As I’m filled with the nostalgia of a great time in my life, the city also brings the best in me. When I’m there, I relieve that moments of risk taking, fearless empowerment and make it happen kind of feeling. Do you have a place like that in your life too? I have two. Rio de Janeiro and Chicago. On this post, I’m going to talk about Chicago, we leave Rio for another time.

Last September, we planned a trip to Chicago to celebrate my 10th anniversary in America. If you are new to this blog, Chicago is the place I moved to, after almost two years of agony of living in Sao Paulo. My life is full of up and downs and Sao Paulo was the lowest place I’ve been in my life. Moving back on to. Chicago.

The Windy City, the third coast, the less crowded New York, the much nicer people.

The pilot announced that we would be landing in the next ten minutes. I look at the window, and we were in the middle of the clouds. Suddenly, I felt the plane flew back up.Lord have mercy. The pilots voice came back on to let us know that they needed more time to land, because Midway had other planes to land before us.I remained calm.

I’ve been listening to a podcast called “fear of flying” where a former pilot explain to us how safe is to fly and I guess its working. I hate flying.I don’t like to be up in the air, don’t like to trust my life on someone that might be overworked (33 thousand ft above), and don’t understand how planes work. We landed ten minutes after being hanging around in the clouds.

Chicago was rainy and cloudy.

It was the first time I visited the city since we left, in November of 2019, to Austin. And boy, the Chicago changed a lot. Not the weather, that’s a given. But the city looks like it was trashed. I love Chicago and I would never talk bad about my city. I read a lot about what was going on in the city during the pandemic and also through friends we have there. The city is still vibrant, people are still outside, but I think it’s going to take years to reconstruct the damage of the Corona Virus led the city to.

I love Chicago and I would never talk bad about my city.

After putting our stuff in the hotel, we took the bus to meet our friend Brittney, in a very nice restaurant in Gold Coast. How much I missed my friend!! I was immediately put in a “I want to move back here” mode. I miss my friends, I miss the chaotic energy the city has and how I could move around without relying on a car. We bought a 3 days CTA pass, and we were all over the place. I love big cities, and even though I really like Denver, this is not a big city.

Walking around at the Magnificent Mile, I was surprised by how many stores are closed now, from the time I was living there. Big stores on what is supposed to be a mile of luxury and entertainment are gone. Uniq-lo, Columbia, The Italian food place on the corner, all gone within two years.

Old Italian Village Restaurant

We went to eat in a place close to the hotel at night called “Italian Village”- The oldest Italian restaurant in town. The clientele surely reflects that. And the music, and the Ambience. The poor waiter, who looked like she had drinks a witch’s potion to remain young. Made my creative mind to image her being as old as the restaurant is, but every day before her shift starts, she drinks from a potion of youthness, like a Howard’s moving castle on the opposite way.

Next morning I was ready to run the town.

We walked around Michigan Avenue and hit Eataly, the place I used to work and my very last waitressing job. As soon as I walked into the building I realized why I gave up being a waitress. The anxiety that took over my body only from getting on that escalator was unreal.

The store was having a Sale-tember and we bought some cookies, coffee, chocolate to have breakfast next morning. When we travel we try to have at least one meal at the room, so we save money for a bigger meal later on. Thats how can we afford to travel. We also share meals.

I got Bites on my heart. ❤️

At the end of the first day we went to our favorite restaurant to see another friend, who lives close by. We got at BITES a bit early and we were received like we always were.

The staff recognized us, treated so well and the owner came by the table and she remember we moved to Austin, she asked if we were still living there. We told her we moved to Colorado. She asked if we were moving back. I said I wanted to. I always want to. I never wanted to leave in the first place. The manager sent us some food and we had a great time as always.

They let me take the little flamingo as a souvenir

What I miss most about Chicago is the community sense. People help each other. They talk to each other, on the train. Exchange a few words or a quick smile. That always made a difference especially when I first arrived there in 2012. I never felt alone. We bond over the crazy people on the red line. If you know, you know.

Last day was the day to film some footage for the channel and walk around The Bean, at the Millenium park. Also have lunch in Chinatown. The city has the best Dim Sum ever. I couldn’t believe how easy was to jump on the train, have lunch and come back to downtown Chicago.

The city is a melting pot of cultures. It’s like New York, but better. Even though it has a lot of problems and concerns about safety, and I would still visit anytime I get a chance to.

What I tell everyone is if you are looking for fun and different types of cuisine and different types of people, go to Chicago. Go get a Chicago Italian beef, or a deep dish pizza, Go get a donut at Stan’s donuts. Go get some of the latino vibe at the Pilsen neighborhood. Go to Andersonville for a Scandinavian taste at Svea.

How much I miss the city vibe.

Last remarks of what happened before I go:

We jumped into the orange line in the Midway airport, an elderly man started talking to us, engaging about the mac and cheese he would have to buy. He was worried that he would forget and asked us to keep remind him. He asked me if I like to cook and I said yes, but not mac and cheese.

Another time on the train, a man was with his headphones, was dancing for the hispanic lady on her seat. He danced around, hugged and humped the guy who was standing before he proceed to leave the train. None of this humans knew the dancer.

As you can see, I shared a few videos of what I’m working in our youtube channel TRVLS & COMIDA . If you are kind to subscribe, I will be very thankful for it. I’m going to keep working to improve it.

See you next week, possibly.

JS XXX