Too much going around you and you are not getting any writing done? You are not alone.
I haven’t been constant in this blog. I have the blank page in front of me but it takes me a while to sit down and write. I fill myself with doubt, so nothing I write looks good enough to be worth posted. I questioned myself too much. Is there anyone actually reads? Does what I write make sense? I guess that a problem with every writer I know. The lack of confidence.
Its an exercise, as much as I try, days like yesterday that I feel bumped out and nothing is going the way I think it’s supposed to be going. Again, the monsters in my head are my friends and the days they are agitated, its a party on my brain. I’m not depressed or have any dopamine issue, I feel most of it is the competitiveness that surrounds us. Its the feeling of you are “never enough”, you are always behind, “you should have done these years ago” or “why did I spend 14 years working with hotels, when all I wanted to do was work with my creativity?”
I’m learning how to give myself time. For as long as I can remember, people put time frames on how you should live your life and that affects us until this day. People saying mean things to each other, without actually knowing what happens behind close curtains. I used to ask my husband a lot “You are 32! How come you don’t have your own place??” as he was still living at his parent’s house when we started dating. It turned out he had different purposes, like saving money to go to Chiropractic School in Georgia, and the monsters in my brain were belittling his reasons. I still think about how bad I was.
Everyone has a reason and my reason for working in hospitality for so many years was that I thought that it was the only thing I knew how to do it. I thought it was ok, or got so used to work during holidays and weekends that I saw it as a normal day of the week. I also think that all these years prepared me for not to be so whiny about the long hours I will have to put on my own work, like the scripts and the short movies I’m planning for this year.
I figured that I’m always looking for something that makes my brain work at ease, as I have so many distractions and so many options for entertainment. In the past few weeks, I have been making a habit out of some activities to help me out and improve my concentration and good state of mind. That’s what is working:
I understand that the app developers have to get the money they invest back, but I also think someone really rich and established in life could make a free meditation app. I tried the free version of Headspace and fully intend to pay the 12.99 a month. Or as I count – 2 Starbucks coffee.
It’s so helpful to sit down for 5 or 10 minutes and just let the brain to calm down. On the scene of “Eat, Pray and Love” where Elizabeth goes to a Hindu temple in India and her mentor tells her how important it is to unclog the brain. He says at that moment that your brain is like a pipe taking information back and forth, and you if don’t clean it or unclog it, you get stuck with those thoughts. That’s why I’m a huge enthusiast of taking a few minutes per day to center yourself. Out of the entire movie, that scene keeps playing on a loop in my mind. Unclog your brain!
- Leave your phone alone
This is definitely the hardest part for me. I don’t like social media and all the attention it gets from me and from my day. Yet, I come back every other 5 minutes, like I’m addicted gambler back at the poker table. I learned from an article once saying that social media developers plans and study ways on how to make your brain addicted, just like the slot machines in the casinos. The red notifications are there for a reason, everything is to encourage you to keep coming back. What works for me is leaving the phone in a different room. I occasionally go back and check it, but less often and I get more writing done this way.
- Go for a walk
I do this often, even when I don’t need to refresh my brain. I enjoy long walks to target, or at Target, in case you live in a city you can just use cars to move around. Walking around the neighborhood works well too. Sometimes I don’t even turn on my music, its just my ideas and the sounds. I used to walk a lot in Chicago, but the walks were usually five minutes around the block because the cold was unbearable. Please don’t get a frost bite. Today I’m going to a Valentines day scavenger Hunt at my complex to get prizes. There are days, most of the days, I don’t act my age. Its just fun.
PS: When this post was ready I have found two roses around the apartment complex.
- Dance or listen to your favorite song
Don’t feel like dancing – Scissors Sisters is an instant mood boost for me. I forgot the song for years, and then the other day it played when I was really sad and unmotivated. I was send back to that time I listened to that song and wished for everything I have now. It works like an Anthem. Do you have one? I’m sure you do! Let me know in the comments, I might add it to my playlist.
- Do something you love! -💗
I love drawing, but I’m horrible at it. I’m fully aware. I enjoy doing it knowing that its a hobby and something I’d like to learn, for someday maybe, a person will look at it and say it “oh! it looks great!” instead of “keep trying”. It brings me joy, to scribble or draw faces and scenarios, I usually have a story behind my drawings, because, I write and my brain fumes if I don’t.
For many years I was too tired to focus in what I liked doing it, only focusing on work and making the days go by. Existing, not living. For many years I was just a working body, serving food and drinks and making sure the silverware was polished before rolling it.
After two Therapy sessions, I was able to hear myself out loud, and putting myself first, was like being back in my body, taking a few minutes a day to draw and write, and have some joy, instead of hallucinating because I was not “successful” in life. I still battle against that stereotype of what is to be successful every once in while. I have to train the brain on how to be content, and stop the never ending chase.